A Little Less Alone
A Moment 84. Motherhood, Maggie Rogers, and the messiest middle.
I listen to Maggie Rogers the way some listen to Lady Gaga. Kacey Musgraves. Taylor Swift. The way past generations did with Stevie Nicks, Madonna, Joni Mitchell, and Dolly Parton.
Full albums front to back. Favorite songs on repeat. Off-key choruses belted at the top of my lungs. Tongue twisting my best guess at the lyrics. Feeling known, less alone, in the process.
It’s been this way for years. The resonance. The remembering. The realignment music provides.
I have a clear memory of singing “Back In My Body” over the din of my first’s newborn screams on the drive from the pediatrician. Tears streaming down my face. Wondering when I would feel back in my body. Fearing I might never again.
Now, ten years later, so much has changed.
I have three kids who can all buckle themselves in the car. I’m older, softer. Some say wiser. When I look down at my body, I feel a perplexing wonder. How did we get here? Then a deeper knowing. This is home.
A few weeks ago, my family’s life was turned topsy turvy. A leaky air conditioner. Pools of water where they don’t belong. Ruined floors. Insurance claims. Contractors, teams, packing, rebuilding.
My email inbox has become a messy desk through this disaster. Messages piled high. The important ones scattered amongst sales fliers and junk. A tangle to sort through.
This morning I took my two oldest across town to rock climbing camp. I cranked up the volume when “That’s Where I Am” came on. The kids strapped safely in their booster seats, clapping and snapping and singing from the backseat.
“We were boulders turned into sand.
Wherever you go, that’s where I am.”
The song is about friends who become lovers. But those words? A coded message from Maggie. A reminder from me ten years ago. A hug from me ten years in the future.
These months away from our home are temporary. A mess, like my inbox, that will get tidied up in time. Just like she sings in the song, “It all works out in the end.”
After I dropped them off, I drove through the rain to my favorite coffee shop. Ordered an Americano. Opened Spotify. Pressed play on Heard It In A Past Life.
Approached the task of sorting, archiving, reading, and actioning that pile of emails with gentle hands. Knowing this is a project I won’t have the energy to finish with just one cup of coffee.
Then a gift to unwrap. Maggie’s newsletter. A love note from an artist to her fans. I’ve adored her for a decade, but she’ll never know me. Our lives are vastly different, but she gets me.
She says she’s somewhere between lost and reborn. Words meant to explain where she is in her creative process that also suit my current situation. When I try them on, I feel just a little less alone.
Now, after a nine month hiatus since my last post, let’s get into this week’s nudge, ritual, fave, and phase. Pick up whatever feels good. Put down the rest.
xo, Kaileen
a nudge → rescue + reset rhythms
For those times when life gets overwhelming or you desperately need of a fresh start. These will rescue you from stress and reset your daily rhythms.
a ritual → summer scent
Scent can evoke memories, shift moods, and set vibes. Choose a signature scent to infuse this summer with meaning.
Burn a candle that aligns with your desires. Find a new body lotion. Spritz your favorite perfume as you get ready in the morning.
Make it a ritual by connecting the scent to your intentions. Ask your inner voice, “What energy do I want to embody this summer?”
a fave → quietly puzzling
I’ve landed in analog hobbies more than ever in this season of unknown. My mind says I should be more productive (get to that messy inbox!!) but when I have a moment, all I want to do is journal, curl up with a book, or work a puzzle. Just finished this pretty Colors of Porto puzzle and I have this fun Disco Life one to do next.
a phase → waxing crescent
This lunar energy supports routine refreshes and new beginnings. How do you want to embrace that energy? Do you want to start journaling more? Manifesting with intention? How about both?
a note → pause on purpose
This feedback from one of our A Year of You members stopped me in my tracks. 🚂
When life is a runaway train, it’s hard to grasp the glimmers. Pausing to really see what’s going on will leave you feeling empowered and appreciative of the life you’re building… even in the chaotic seasons!
If you want to spend less time spiraling and more time trusting yourself, book a 1:1 coaching session.
sending a hug your way. thank you for the years of listening. im grateful to have found each other through the ether.
Oh I’m so happy to see you back here!!! And I’m feeling that same “inbetween” in a different way. And now I’m off to go make a Maggie Rogers playlist!!! Starting with Back in My Body specifically because that’s my summer manifesto!! 🤍✨